Thursday, October 21, 2010

Since beginning-less time, darkness thrives in the void,

Apple chips for my soul. Along with US$3 Häagen Dazs ice cream and discounted drumsticks, they form the backbone of my comfort food and I do need a lot of comfort. I suspect some unconscious coping mechanism taking place, most likely a combination of repression and sublimation, trying to fill some void. Of what nature? I can't quite say.

The days are passing so quickly, but I haven't really done anything at all. What happened to the big plans at the start of the year? At the start of this trip?I feel so defeated.

I am so defeated.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The true heart can touch the poison of hatred without being harmed.

To ponder the value of humanity, of hope and fear, of flaws and strength, of soul and intellect, of losses and gains, and of damnation and redemption.

Great. The film was great and I'll recommend anyone who would listen and have the time to go watch it. I don't think the creator of the film was thinking about psychology when making the film, but it does reminds me of the Enneagram and the Enneatypes. It ties it in for me beyond the basic 9 archetypal characters. The one dominant personality for each burlap humanoid and the different facets in the manifestation of that personality corresponds to the 9 levels in each enneatype.

Digressing, I feel that we ourselves are our own great piece of work. We are, or should be, constantly working on our own consciousness, our own being and bringing to attention our own liabilities and contributions to our world. Not the world, because I don't see it as a singularity, more like a combination of differing realities that overlap. Though it's safe to say that somewhere, out there, there must be one absolute Truth. Our limitations affect how we perceive it, affecting our own reality. It seems to me, that the goal of this game, then, is to be acutely aware of ourselves and yet transcend beyond ourselves to discover that Truth.

Anyway, my favourite quotes from the movie were from 1 and the Scientist.

1: They've left us nothing. Nothing. Why do we have to right their wrongs? Sometimes a sacrifice must be made.

Scientist: We had such potential. Such promise. But we squandered our gifts... Our world is ending, but life must go on.


Also, if you're interested, here's the Scientist's Facebook page where you can learn more about the characters and have a bit of the backstory.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

The true mind can weather all lies and illusions without being lost.

So, 6 more days before I leave for the US. There's so much to prepare for and so much to pack that I am completely overwhelmed. I don't even have my luggage yet! This huge quarrel I just had with Mum makes everything that much worse. The thought of 26 hours of flight makes me slightly nervous. I love flying but 26 h-o-u-r-s is a freaking long time. Maybe even too long. What sort of reading material should I bring? What else should I do besides reading? I should also add that my mind has completely lost any prioritizing ability. It just darts from one worrying thought to another for the whole day.

PLANE! DON'T FORGET THE CHARGER! WHAT IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE PERSON WAITING FOR YOU AT JFK?! CONTINGENCY PLANS! WILL THE CUSTOMS CONFISCATE MY SALTED VEGETABLE? REMEMBER TESTING AND CLASS REGISTRATION! PANADOLS! HANDIPLAST! GET NON-STICK RICE COOKER! ASK ABOUT THE HONOURS PROGRAM!! GET A HAIRCUT! I WILL FREEZE MY BUTT OFF BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLOTHES! GET CLOTHES! TOO FAT! DIET FIRST! PACK YOUR CALCULATOR NOW!

Yup, something like that. All. Day. Long.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Continual efforts are a prerequisite to success.

I guess it's time. 2009 was my last teen year and I wasted it on boring procrastination. Now it's gone and I'm turning 20 in a few more months. Then 21 in a year and another few more months. If 19 was supposed to be sad goodbyes and 21 a celebration, then what is 20? The lost year? Second puberty?

Anyway, my keywords for me this year are mastery and improvement.

Mastery over my present self, in thoughts and in deeds. To control my urges and channel my efforts into something worthy and hopefully, lasting.

Improvements or rather the foundations of improvements for my future self. As is said in Romans 12:2: " Do not conform to this world any longer, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

I'm ready for my transformation now (:

A little reminder for me to stay on track.